I am ҠĦɅا™. I am a god of this world. Bow down and worship my beefy man meat! Peace and love! VapeGod

New Year Underway – 2019 Edition

I know, I know. I haven’t been around much. Life has been insanely busy, and time, well, there’s just not enough of it to go around. Hopefully 2019 will be easier to manage time with. Since, I’m getting used to working quite a bit, but if things go the way I’m hoping, that may change within the next year. Well, at least at retail stores. I’ll still have a job, but it won’t be as stressful or as exhausting. Hours may be longer, but it’ll pay off. I’m not going to say much about that just yet, though. I’m not going to say something only for it to fall through, which has happened so many times before.

Regardless, I’ve had a decent (for the most part) job for the past nine months, and I’ve done a lot of upgrading on stuff. Also have had a girlfriend for the past six months (consecutive not accumulated). So, there’s that. I have to say, things are getting quite a bit better. It’s never an overnight change and it’s something you have to keep working on. But it’ll happen. Good things come to those who wait, but not lazily.

I’m going to spend a lot of time (pun, I think) trying to manage time better. Maybe that’s more irony than a pun. This year I’m hoping to at least be able to get more done. Since I’ve been so active and managed to drop like sixty pounds, I’ve felt a lot better, and been able to do more than before. So, I want to take it farther. I’m hoping that the plans set actually have substance. It’d be nice for something to actually work out.

I’m still not gone, and I took way too long to write this, despite the fact I started it before the new year. I couldn’t decide how I wanted it all, and so I just kept lagging until I realized that I overthink everything. I’m admittedly a perfectionist, so I’ll keep from doing anything until it’s perfect, which is something I need to stop. I need to be able to just throw things out there as is, and just let it become what it will through trial and error outside of the box I keep it in. I may need help reminding myself of that.

Regardless, I hope everyone had a great new year, and I hope 2019 is amazing for everyone. And I hope everyone has peace about any decision they need to make, and not overthink it. Take a risk, do something new, make 2019 a year to remember, yeah? And obviously not for bad reasons.

Letter To A Friend (Suicide Trigger Warning)

Dear friend,


You killed yourself a year ago, I didn’t find out until last night. I spent this entire day cycling through the stages of grief… denying that it’s true, getting pissed at myself for not being there, and at you for going there and not saying anything. I skip bargaining since there’s nothing I can offer and nothing that can bring you back. And I can’t accept it. My brain broke and my heart dropped when I saw your obituary. I immediately knew it was you. I just had a moment that I thought I was asleep because I couldn’t convince myself it was true. I knew there had to be some way it was someone else, who just happened to have the same name and same family member names. There’s no way you’d tell me I’d hurt you if I did anything then not long after, you leave me. I thought about texting you over this past year. But as I can see, it wouldn’t have mattered. I would have never gotten a reply. And I probably would have thought you were mad at me, or just ignoring me.

I didn’t know… I just didn’t know. And I feel like a complete piece of shit for not being there for you. I did care about you, despite the fact we didn’t always get along, because I know your past had a lot to do with that. When I told you I’d always be there, I wasn’t lying. You did subtlely ask for help, my dumbass was oblivious because I was talking about giving up the last time we talked. I seriously hope that didn’t contribute to your decision. I would find it very hard to live with myself if I had something to do with what happened.

I never was ignoring you… I didn’t mean to not say anything. I was drowning in my own stuff… I was trying to stay okay for people who needed me. I was stupid to not realize you needed me then, and now I feel horrible for not saying anything. I feel even worse that the very last conversation we had I was complaining about my life and talking about giving up. I have a horrible nagging fear in the back of my mind that I may have contributed to what happened. And I am so fucking sorry… I’m sorry. I didn’t see what was going on… I feel like a piece of shit for not helping. And I know the whole fucking what-ifs. I’ve been through every what-if scenario in my head, but everyone keeps saying what-ifs won’t bring you back, and again, the denial stage hits… what if it does? My mind is so fucked up and I don’t know what’s going on.

I’ve been reading all the texts that I have from you. All the conversations we had. Talking about random things at times. Some of the things you sent still make me smile, even with tears in my eyes because I’m reading it. I do find it comforting that you can still make me smile even if you’re not here anymore. I want so bad to talk to you. But, I know it’s not possible. I want to tell you I’m here. I want you to know I did care. I wasn’t ignoring you ever. I wasn’t okay myself. And I hate myself for that. I should have been there for you. But, I can’t go back. I can never go back. I promise you, though, I’ll see you again one day. I’ll meet you wherever you are when it’s my time. But not too soon. I want you to be able to see how I stuck it out even learning of your death. I want you to be proud that I still kept going and that I didn’t give up. I’m trying so hard, but it’s like climbing the Hoover Dam. I’m determined to make it, but this pain makes it harder. And I know you never intended on hurting anyone. I know you well enough to know you only went there in a desperate attempt to just stop hurting. And I’m sorry I couldn’t help the pain before it got to that point. I just hope you know that I did care.

Goodbye… =(

Love always,

This letter isn’t a joke, nor is suicide. This is to a friend of mine who killed herself, and I didn’t even know. I’m posting this here because maybe someone will see it, and if they know someone who is in danger of killing themselves, they can help. This hurts way too much, and I don’t wish anyone else to have to feel it. If you know anyone who is suicidal or has made comments about suicide… call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255. They may get mad. But at least they’ll still be there.

New Year, Same Crazy F**ker

Nope. Just because there’s a new year, 2018, doesn’t mean I’m going to change. Maybe certain aspects of my life, but me in general, I’m going to stay the same crazy mofo.

So, what are Max’s 2018 plans? It seems I ask myself this every year. I may not get everything I plan for each new year done. But, there has been progress. So, for this year, it’ll be to keep progressing and start new projects as time and resources become available. And as for the things I’ll be doing online. It’ll be game streams weeknights, and continuing to build my brand. The brand, of course, being Agents of Khaos.

The opportunity arose for me to start a fresh YouTube channel for different projects. I’m not going into detail on that, but it allows me to branch out more, instead of just using the same channel for everything. So, I’m going to use Twitch for streaming games, and YouTube for edited versions of the streams. The Twitch streams will be Mondays and Wednesdays (Khaos Plays Retro), for retro games. Like older NES, SNES, Sega, etc. Tuesdays and Thursdays will be whatever I decide to play modern game wise. Eventually leading up to streaming League of Legends. Since I’m a newbie at League at the moment, I figured I’d work on my skills before deciding to just bullshit a lot in actual games. And Fridays will be either remixed or hopefully eventually I can do Fridays games with my brother (and maybe brother’s boyfriend as well sometimes). The smaller wrinkles are still being ironed out. Time wise, I was doing 10:30-12am Eastern (Detroit). Though, times on some days may change depending on work schedules and whatnot.

Later this year, I also plan on starting a YouTube podcast. Just doing live YouTube streams. That way exposure is higher in the likely department. I’ve already started planning that one. Me and my sister are working to get interviews lined up. We already have a possibility on Todd Haberkorn. He gave us contact info to set it up. Well, he gave HER the info. lol Semantics.

I have also finally decided on what I’m going to study in college, and also the college I’m attending. I found a school online that I can get a Bachelor of Science degree in Cybersecurity in half the time than most traditional colleges. Before anyone jumps to the conclusion that it’s not a legit school. It is, I have checked on it, and they are accredited. They are even accredited for the FBI. As in, if I got the degree, I could potentially work for the FBI as a cybersecurity expert. The reason I can get the degree in half the time is that the school has an all year round curriculum. Meaning they don’t have breaks for spring, summer, Christmas. Not that I couldn’t spend Christmas or even part of the summer with friends and family. But that I would still have the school work to do. But, in my opinion, it’s worth it.

And all of these are realistic goals. I also have to say that therapy helps. In all of the bullshit that I have been through the last ten years, plus the shit I deal with from the past is slowly getting resolved. It’s just little steps, but things are getting better.


Anywho, so now you know what’s going on. Things are happening behind the scenes to get ready for things front and center. Khaos Plays Retro is going on now. The first stream was Wednesday the 17th. Next stream for that is going to be tonight because there’s nothing else to do since there are still things in the works. I am setting up a website for all of this stuff, and I will post the link on social media as soon as it’s all done.

So, until next time, Agents.

I Am No Houdini

No, I have not disappeared, I promise. I have just been quite busy lately. Planning things, dealing with things, etc. I will try to post more often about what’s going on in life and what matters to me. Sometimes life just becomes too damn hectic, and you just have to take time to deal. And everyone who knows me knows that I don’t deal well with stress and stuff. But, in all honesty, I’ve been doing pretty well with this. I mean, all things considered

So, in recent news, I’ve been planning on doing a new series on YouTube. I’m calling it “<img src>” (image source) with series like ““… and yes, it’s a nod to geekiness, hence the HTML image source tag title. So, will be starting soon. I’m waiting around to do the heavy editing with my good laptop once I get it repaired in December. I have a green screen set up, but I’m working around getting the lighting up. It’s not so easy when you’re in an apartment that has so many stupid restrictions. So, while I’m getting all of that set up and waiting around to get my laptop fixed, I will be finding any weird photos on the interwebs for said series. So, if you have any to send, whether you took them yourself or you found them or maybe got it from a friend, send it my way! My email is khaos@thegodofkhaos.com. Make sure to put “img src” in the subject line as to let me know it’s not spam.

And, yes, my laptop is kind of fucked at the moment. But, as I said I am getting it repaired in December. So, I will be able to do my normal interweb things normally rather than abnormally on this POS laptop that I paid $300 for. I do have to admit, though, at least it works. Since I don’t have any other computer. I do eventually want to build a beast of a computer for production, though. But that’s a ways down the road.

Also, I have created a Discord server for those who follow me. I used to run an IRC chat but just recently found that Discord servers are easier to manage. Even though I created bots for my IRC channel. I am working on Discord bots now, though. So that’s a thing. It would be cool if I could have the same concepts in Discord bots that I had in my IRC bots. I’m fairly sure I can do it, it’s just using a different programming language instead of MSL. But, as far as my Discord server goes, I will be sharing access fairly soon.

And as always, I’ll catch you next time!

Learning Is FUNdamental!

So, I know some people aren’t as good as writing as others are. So, I have taken it upon myself to take some creative writing courses. Not only to sharpen my writing skills but also it may help me start writing stories again. I have an idea for a story series I plan on posting on here someday. So, I’m doing that. There’s a lot going on lately, but I prefer not to publicize my personal life. I know you all can agree to keep some things from the public. Some personal matters are not everyone’s business, am I right?

So, that aside, I may have a job soon. It’s not set in stone, and there may be some unconquerable obstacles. But, we shall see not long from now. So, pray, send thoughts, whatever you believe in and do, I would appreciate it. I really need this. I need to get my MMA training going along, plus hopefully maybe signing up for the Six Packs of Peaks challenge next year. If anyone doesn’t know what that is, go here: https://socalhiker.net/a-six-pack-of-peaks/.

I plan on doing great things fairly soon, so definitely stay tuned and visit regularly so you don’t miss the godlike things this God Of Khaos will be doing.

Plans And Goals For The Future

I’ve been thinking a lot about what plans and goals I want to make for the future. And I’ve pretty much decided what I want to do. It’s a good possibility I may be moving next year. This isn’t exactly set in stone, but it’s in talks. I’m going for a broadcasting school in the area I am in talks to moving to. I already have a place to stay. So, that won’t be an issue. Plus, it’s closer to LA, which is my eventual goal to move to just to work for Philip DeFranco. So, this move will help a lot. Plus, I’d be away from Michigan, which I hate with a purple passion. At first, I loved it, but now, it’s made its way onto my shit list of states to live in.

But, with this potential move, it would bring about more things I can get done. Being in a toxic environment never helps. And getting away from it will help tremendously. As I said, it’s still in talks of when the move will happen. It’ll be sometime next year. Most likely when I have saved the money for the rental truck and gas. Because between Michigan and Arizona, that’s quite a drive. So, there are plans to make between now and then. And, anyone who follows me on my site and social media knows that I hate Michigan.

So, with this potential move, a lot of doors will most likely open for me. Being away from friends and family will probably be tough, but I think it’ll be worth it. Plus, it’s not like it’ll be permanent. I just need away from this toxic environment. It’s getting to the point that I cannot stand it anymore. I need to do away with negativity and surround myself with positivity. Plus, I’ve found schools out there, including broadcasting and MMA schools. So, I’m set on that already.

Looking back at all the problems I’ve had, it was always one person who instigated them. So, getting away from that itself will help tremendously, Which will definitely be a good thing for me. So, I’m definitely looking forward to it. And even though she may read this, and that’s okay, because the truth has to come out sooner or later. I’d rather it be sooner because hiding behind this facade is killing me. Me and my birth mother clash at times, not all the time, but quite a few. And most of the times I’ve hurt myself usually it was instigated by her. She just knows what buttons to push that can push me over the edge. I’m not saying she always does it on purpose, but she can make comments that can cut pretty deep, which is usually what pushes me to to the edge.

Back in 2015, when I last attempted suicide, it was her that pushed me over the edge. I’m lucky as fuck I have friends who care enough to help. Because I only told one person the night of the attempt. She cared enough to contact my brother, who was at work at the time, who then called home to check to see if I was okay. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I somehow I made it through the night and survived. To which I am not wasting my life anymore.

So, this move to Arizona will open up some doors for me, because I feel like it’s something I need to do. Not just want, but need. It’s more than just wanting to go. I think it’ll be good for me. As I always say, the end justifies the means.

So, stay tuned guys, my adventures will continue. And they will only get better from here.

What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do

The title says it all. I’m in a predicament. I realized some things last night, and I don’t know what to do about it. I feel like I’m stuck, like stuck in a time I can’t move from. One of my exes fucked things up for me royally. And, I know there’s no way to fix that. But, how can I move forward from here? It’s like I don’t know how to fix it, but I know it can’t be fixed. But, anyone who knows me would know I’m persistent in trying to fix things I had a part in fucking up. I chose the wrong person. I know that now, but there’s no going back. So, I guess the only option is to just move forward and mend friendships.


This is a short post, just my thoughts documented so I don’t forget. I like to have a little reminder to not make the same mistakes again. But, how do you know you’re making a mistake? That is the question I want the answer to.

Movie Night! Ghost In The Shell: Opening Day March 31st 2017

So, I managed to finagle a free ticket for the opening day of Ghost In The Shell. I have been a long-time fan of the series throughout the years, so I was definitely curious as to how a big screen Hollywood live action would come out. And this was the first time I actually was able to see any movie on opening day. So, that was pretty damn exciting, just for that alone.

Now, before I get into my review, I want to make something perfectly clear. This movie wasn’t an adaptation of the anime, but of the original manga. And anyone who knows anything about manga vs anime should know that most of the time there are quite a few significant differences between the two. For one thing, manga can take a whole different approach to a story than anime does, as well as a lot of manga are produced by different people than the anime adaptations are. So, to be quite concise about this, I had to mention that detail. Because I’ve seen a lot of reviews that slam the movie for not being like the anime when the movie was more of an adaptation of the manga, not the anime. And the manga has a different story context than the anime as well. And along with the anime, there were books and two different manga series. So, just because it didn’t follow the anime doesn’t mean that it wasn’t good.

Now, I went into this movie with a neutral attitude. I did this because it seems so many people giving bad reviews had rather high expectations of the movie, and it didn’t quite live up to their expectations. Thus, they gave bad reviews simply because it didn’t meet their previous expectations. I tend to do this when trying new things. Whether it’s a movie, restaurant, or anything else. I figure if I set my expectations too high, I get let down when those expectations are not met, therefore I try to have a neutral attitude when doing this so that if it’s good, I’m surprised, and if it’s bad, I’m not let down.

I’m not going to bullshit and say the movie was perfect, but I’m also not going to say it was completely terrible. Out of all of the live-action adaptations to a manga or anime series I’ve seen, this was by far the best. I only had some hesitation about it. But I think that was more of my love for the anime coming through. But, I will say that this movie did not disappoint me in the least. It was action packed, had amazing effects, great storyline. I honestly cannot complain about the movie at all. And if I did, I’d be bullshitting myself. There was some complaint about the movie’s cast. Mainly of Scarlett Johansson’s role of the Major. In all honesty, she fit the part very well. I’ve been a long time fan of hers anyway, but as I said before, I went into this movie with a neutral attitude, and I was not let down. Her performance was pretty damn good, the fight scenes were quite amazing. And there were quite a few times where the story took a turn and shocked me. The rest of the cast were pretty great too, especially that of Batou. I may not be a professional movie critic, and I would hope not because most movie critics have some level of expectations that they want from a movie. But, I have seen my share of live-action adaptations of manga and anime. So, giving that fact I will reiterate and say this was by far the best live-action adaptation of a manga or anime series I’ve seen.

I’m trying not to give too many spoilers for those who haven’t yet seen it, because most of the time whenever I am able to see a movie, it’s after everyone posts spoilers about it, and ruins the whole experience for me. And I hate when people do that, so I will hold back details so that you can tell for yourself how well you liked it. I will say my only complaint was the lack of Fuchikoma or as they called them “Think Tanks”. They had different names for each series, Tachikoma being for Stand Alone Complex, Fuchikoma for the original manga (which is why I’m calling it that in this case, since the movie was based on the original manga, and not any of the anime series). They did however have something called a “Spider Tank”, which I would say was a nod to the Fuchikoma, but not exactly the same. As the “Think Tanks” in any of the series had their own personality and voice, and always seemed to act like kids. The Spider Tank in the movie was more of a robotic tank controlled by Mr Cutter. The original Think Tanks controlled themselves and were their own separate entity. That was my only complaint of the movie, really. But I can look past that and see that the movie was pretty damn amazing, or at least it was to me. I think everyone who’s giving it bad reviews are doing so because they expected it to be like the anime and the comparison is different.

In conclusion, I’d say this was a movie worth seeing, even if you’re disappointed by it. It’s still a great action packed movie. And to me, one worth paying to see again. I definitely will be adding this to a list of my favourite movies. I implore anyone who has already set high expectations for this movie to tone it down and try a neutral attitude. Especially when seeing new movies and trying new things. It will help in the long run, trust me.

New Logo Header

I changed the logo header. The pentacle is a design I put together, and the phoenix, well, it represents me. I always rise from the ashes of another life. From my past lives. I have died and came back. And I’m not wasting this life now. I’m going to make something of myself. I’m already doing the GED and passed one test. Three to go, then I’m off to school to get a career. I’m working on getting a job now too. I’ve applied everywhere. Had a few interviews, but nothing yet. I will get something sometime. Just have to wait, and I hate waiting. I’m an impatient person. And I have plans, just have to have money for them.

Besides that, I’m working on other stuff too… vlogs have started at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQS3CEYOlodHUd-auFosB6Q and my gaming channel is https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5OgYLTBp8gxzmIQlB65iLw. Subscribe, please and thank you! I need subscribers to get a custom URL on them. I started a Chip’s Challenge LP series, using the new version of the game on Steam. And I’m doing vlogs from time to time. My move back to Georgia in a couple of years will be documented on there too.

So, that’s it for now… until next time guys!

Where The Hell Have I Been?

That is a great question. So, where the hell have I been? I’ll tell you. I’ve been quite busy lately, and haven’t been able to update. It’s been pretty insane here lately. But some new stuff has come up. I have created a few new bots in my chat, anyone can check them out by going to the chat page, which is under the “home” menu selection as a sub menu item. The client, which is KiwiIRC, works on computers and mobile devices alike. Better on tablets rather than smartphones, though. But you can use smartphones. It’s just more compact. So, there is a quote bot, which has a trigger (!quote) and it will send a random quote into the channel. But, this is not to be abused, as in not using it to flood the channel. Plus, I am still populating the quotes file with quotes, and there’s not very many yet. As soon as I get a ton of quotes, I will probably get rid of the trigger and have it send a random quote to the channel every ten minutes or so. Besides that, I also have a roast bot. Which, of course, is exactly what it sounds like. It’ll roast someone of your choice. The trigger (!roast username) is used to do so. It goes without saying that this also should not be abused. If it is, the bot will be turned off. And the third one I made is a shoutout bot, which, again is pretty much what it sounds like. The trigger (!shoutout) will basically respond with a shoutout to whoever triggered it. Shoutouts are compliments, while roasts are insults. Then there are the other two bots I’ve always had, which are the game bot and management bot. The shoutout bot also has a greeting script that I wrote that greets anyone who joins. Everything is done accordingly.

Besides that, I’m one step closer to where I want to be. And also, in about two years I’ll be saying goodbye to this god forsaken state of Michigan. Possibly heading back to my home state of Georgia. I’m thinking maybe around the Gainesville area or Athens. I haven’t really decided yet. Either way, I plan on hopefully getting a job at a local radio station when I get back down there. By then I’ll have the knowledge and skills necessary to be able to. Of course, I may not land a DJ job immediately, but I can always work up to that. I’m definitely willing to work my way up the ladder. I know sometimes you have to do that to get to where you want to be. And of course there will be a shit ton of other projects in the works too. And of course, I will be documenting my move back via vlogs as well. I can’t forget that. Since the mistake of deciding to come up here, I seriously cannot wait to be back where I consider home. Anywhere around the Atlanta area. Plus, I have family there as well. And it’d be nice to see my uncle again. He and I have a lot of the same issues. And I feel we could help each other out. Because honestly, I look up to him. He may not know it, or maybe he does. But, we’ve been trying to end our lives, but somehow we’re both still here. And I think that reason is because we have something still left to do here. There’s no other explanation for it, really.

Also, I’m getting ready to start writing my life experienced. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s going to be raw, the realest of the real. From my birth to parents who didn’t want me really. Or chose someone else over me, to my adoptive father who I considered my only father dying when I was eight years old. And the struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts throughout life. And how I attempted suicide, died, and came back. It’s going to be a gut-wrenching page turner. I always said this… I was dealt a shit hand in life, so I spent a long time perfecting my poker face so people didn’t know what I was going through. Because I never wanted pity. I just wanted everything to end. But after I died, I now want to live. And tell about my experiences. I believe it’s very important. And I want people to know my story. This is a long time in planning and writing, and editing, and re-writing. But when I’m done. I’ll make sure people hear my story of how I started at the bottom but aimed for the top, and I won’t stop until I’m at the top screaming that life is worth it. Life is beautiful. Don’t waste it. Help people, change the world. This is my mission. And I’m going to start this shit very very soon. So watch out for that. I’ll probably post little tidbits here and there throughout my updates. Piece them together, and you may figure things out before most people do. Remember, you only live once… make you story a good one. Make your mark in this world. Be remembered when you really are gone. Be a hero. Inspire people! I care about everyone who have been where I have been. And I want people to know the fighting, the clawing of your demons to get to the light that you know is there. Keep fighting, my friends! And anyone who comes against you, ignore them. They want you to fail. Prove those fuckers wrong! Succeed in life, and they’ll be nothing after that!

This is my ending. I hope someone gets something out of this. Don’t give up. There are people who care. You just have to find them. And when you do, don’t ever let go. Friends like that are hard to come by. So, keep them in your circle.

You Have Reached Level 30: 365 XP To Level 31

Wow, yet again, my fucking birthday comes along. I can’t say I’ve done a lot with my life because I was dealt a shit hand in life, and had so much insecurity due to it that I never went anywhere. Though, as I’ve posted before, I am now. I’m planning things in advance, up to a few years from now. Guess time will tell if I’m successful at everything I want to achieve. I’m pretty sure I can, as long as I set my mind to it and never back down. There are a few things I’ve already started, so that’s a thing. Then a few things I want to do later as well. 

One thing I’d love to do is be able to go on hunting trips. I’d love for Steven Rinella to take me out on my first hunt. The main reason why is that he takes the time to explain everything. And for those who don’t know who he is, he’s a hunter and outdoorsman who hosts the show MeatEater on the Sportsman Channel. I first heard about him back in 2011 when I watched Travel Channel a lot, and he had a show on there called The Wild Within. I fell in love with the guy (not romantically) because the way he did things changed my views on meat hunting. Which, for those who knew me growing up, it’s weird. I was never into hunting at all growing up, but watching his show made me think about it differently. Plus, wild game being leaner, it’s more healthy than most you get at the store. Plus, he has some pretty awesome recipes I’d love to try too. And I’d love to try things that most people wouldn’t think of trying. Such as tongue and even hearts. So, that’s a thing. I’m hoping to get his attention. Maybe I’ll succeed in that. Hey, everything is worth a shot.

Also, I get to try a new restaurant I’ve been wanting to try for a few years now. What is that restaurant, you ask? It is Primanti Bros. which is a Pittsburgh restaurant. They have locations in several states, and just recently opened two close to where I live here in Michigan. So, that’s going to be awesome! I’ll update about how I liked it soon. I kind of want to do a review about it anyway. Since a lot of reviews online seem to be negative. Though the reviews are mixed, so I’ll see what happens.

Anyway, I’m going to enjoy my birthday. So… as always, until next time!

Healthy Is The New Thing For 2017

I am extremely ecstatic (extremely being a qualifier that does fit, because I am way beyond ecstatic) right now. I don’t make new years resolutions because typically they go unfinished, or forgotten. And about 90% of people who say this “new year new me” bullshit always tend to stay the same. So, I have some amazing news that I just have to share, because it has made me so happy to the point that I’m overly excited. What is it, you ask? Well, within the last year, more like a little over a year, I started becoming more active.Because I decided to start exercising and taking better care of myself. Starting in October of 2015, I stopped smoking, I stopped drinking, and I started walking. At that point, my weight was around 220-230. At that point, I decided something had to be done. So, I swore off alcohol and cigarettes for good, and have yet to have any liquor or cigarettes since October 31, 2015. I counted the day.

Since then, I continuously took walks and tried to build my way up to maybe two miles per day. I am now up to close to four miles per day. Not all at once, mind you, but sporadically throughout the day. And even then, I have done incredibly wonderful. These pictures will show my results of what I’ve been doing. And again, I will say, I am in no way trying to be ugly or mean. But I find the fact that I’m doing SO much better and my exes, well, they’re the same. How do I know? I don’t stalk them, but from time to time, I check to see what they’re up to. And even seeing my first ex from up here last November, she’s still the same, no weight loss, nothing. So, in my sadistic mind, I find that oddly comforting, because I, on the other hand, have done my best to be a better person. Not only as a person but also being more healthy so I have a good life. The point to this post is to show off my accomplishments. And I’ll show a before and after from 2015 to 2016, and then now. So without further adieu, here is the proof. And those who follow me on Instagram and Facebook have already seen it.

As you can see back in 2015, around November, I looked pudgy and slightly overweight.
Now, looking at the next one, from November of 2016, my face is smaller, and I look a LOT less overweight.

Now, check this out. These were taken last night (January 13, 2017).

Now, this makes me extremely happy. Those who have known me in the past know that I aways had a gut that stuck out, making it look like I had a beer belly, even though I never drank beer. (Only because I hate beer). But, my stomach is almost completely flat.
This alone has boosted my self-esteem by like 1000%. And I am really starting to like the way I look now. And no, I was not sucking it in. That’s just the way it is normally now. But there are a few factors that have helped me gain this achievement. One, I’m no longer drinking, which is very well known to cause weight gain. Fifteen months of not drinking, plus the exercise I’ve been doing, as well as eating more healthier all have a part in this. And I’m going to continue to do this so that I look my best.

And honestly, I don’t want to look like I’m fat, or that I have a beer belly or anything. Plus, getting leaner also helps reduce the risk of hereditary diseases, such as diabetes, liver problems, high blood pressure, etc. I’m on a mission to be in the best shape I can possibly be. And no, I did not do any special diet that you see on tv (because 99% of those are not only expensive as shit, but also they don’t always have the same results every time). It’s not what diet you do because the majority of those diets just give you false hope. And then when it doesn’t work as they claim it will, you get frustrated and sometimes even depressed over it. The secret is limiting what you eat. Cut out fried foods (not entirely, just don’t eat them all the time), as well as cutting down on sodium and sugar intake. Because sugar can retain fat, and sodium can cause high blood pressure and even heart problems later in life if you eat a lot of it. Especially ramen, and I’ll be the first to admit, I absolutely love ramen. But, if you ever look at the nutritional facts of it, it’s 1,000MG or more of sodium. Which is basically a heart attack in a serving. It may be cheap, but the question is, is it worth fucking up your system because it’s cheap and even good?

So, basically, this post is to inspire people to take care of themselves. Your body is beautiful no matter what. But when you’re overweight, there are risks of heart disease, heart attacks, high blood pressure, and even diabetes. And that’s just a few of the issues. If you’re overweight, and you’re trying to be healthy, that’s one thing. But if you’re overweight, and glorify it claiming your body is beautiful even being overweight… that’s another thing. I’m not saying you’re not beautiful. I’m just saying some things are not healthy. And being healthy is key. And when you live a sedentary lifestyle, that tends to lead to an early death.

So, I hope some people get something out of this. And maybe inspires you to be more healthy so that you can live a long and happy life.

So, until next time, guys! I will see you later!

Max Talks New Years: 2017 Edition

So, it’s that time again. New Years Eve/Day. The time people make inane promises to themselves that they never keep that they call resolutions. Me? I’m going to focus on achievable goals, like one I’m working on right now, which is getting my GED. I know I’m late at getting it, but hey, I’m at least doing it. Right now, I’m doing the prep classes. And as I finish each subject in the prep textbook, I’m going to take each test and knock them down one at a time. I’ve already been going to classes, so that’s already done.

After I get my GED, I’m hoping to start school at Specs Howard. This has been talked about for a while, but it’s actually getting done now. It’s kind of interesting how since I’ve been going to class, I’ve felt a lot better about myself. It’s crazy how something as small as taking steps in the right direction can make you feel so good. The coolest thing is, I’ve been talking with someone at Specs Howard already, and she told me I could get things started there so when I get my GED, I can start as soon as the next semester. The entrance exam I take for the school is good for a year, so if I take it in January, next month, it will be good for the entire year. So I won’t have to take it again. So, I’m going to do that within the month, maybe when conditions aren’t so terrible to drive in.

Another thing I plan on starting in 2017 is more LPs! So, I actually got around to messing with my SHIELD, I mean really looking through what I can do with it. And I found a few free games to play on it and discovered there is a recording feature, as well as the ability to use a USB webcam to do a face cam with. And with that info and the fact that I have the pro version of the SHIELD, so I have plenty of space on it to record 20-25 minute LPs. All I have to do is find a load of free games to play, and maybe get some suggestions for some paid games to invest in to do LPs with as well. So, that’ll definitely be a thing.

To celebrate how well I’ve done, I actually got something I don’t normally get. I mean, since it is New Years and all. I don’t drink often, but for NYE I got some Smirnoff Ice Screwdrivers. Probably was my favourite mixed drink when I actually did drink. But, since it’s not as high in alcohol, I figured it’d be fine. I mean, I probably won’t even drink more than two anyway, so I’m not real worried. It’s been over a year since I’ve had any liquor at all, from time to time I’d get some Mike’s Hard or Strongbow, but even then I never really drank enough to get drunk. I’ve basked in my glory of how good I’ve done with all of this. Straightening your life out is sometimes a difficult thing to do, but not impossible. But, if you want to be better, it’s a necessary thing to do. So, that’s something I will continue to do throughout this next year as well.

Today is a gorgeous first day of the year, so I’m not going to waste it. I’m going to enjoy the weather while it’s nice because the winter can be unpredictable sometimes. And with the snow gone except the big piles where they plowed the road and parking lots, it’s very nice. Plus, it’s above freezing at the moment.

Until next time…

Frohe Weihnachten, Geseënde Kersfees, God Jul, Merry Christmas

The title is Merry Christmas in four languages. In order from left to right, German, Afrikaans, Swedish, and English. I find learning about different cultures very fascinating. So, I’ve spent since 2012 saying those particular phrases in those languages. And I also learn about the cultures of each language. It’s kind of cool, actually.

This year was a pretty good year, despite the fact I had not been feeling the Christmas spirit this year at all. Mainly because so far the month has been pretty shitty. Only because the first half of the month I was sick as hell, then it snows and gets icy, I end up falling outside and bruising my lung, or something, I don’t know. But either way, it hurts like hell. Of course, I’m not letting that get me down. I just use some instant heat packs, they seem to help. The only problem is, it’s those ones you have to boil to reset the chemical inside that turns to hot gel. Of course, you can use it right after that, given that you wrap it in a towel or something, then when it gets too cool, just snap the metal disc, and voila, more heat. It’s not all that bad. But today was pretty decent, all things considered. I got a Deadpool mug, a Deadpool hoodie, and Deadpool pajama pants. The only thing I need now to complete the ensemble is a Deadpool shirt, and maybe some Deadpool slipper socks. Then I can add a Deadpool beanie to the mix, and I’d be all set. I got other things too, but those were probably my favourites out of them all, to be honest. I definitely got a good surprise this year.

Since most of the family was sick, we didn’t bother putting up a tree this year. And the benefit to that is that we don’t have to take it down. So, less work if you think about it. Course, it didn’t really bother me much this year. As I said earlier, I wasn’t really in the Christmas spirit this year, so that played a part in it as well.

Anyway, I’m sorry this post was a little late. Christmas day was pretty busy. But I’ll be working on my New Years post from now until the end of the year.

As always, until next time. Have a great day!

Oh, The Weather Outside Is Frightful

Yes, it is very frightful. The idea of snow may seem nice, but having to drive in it… well, that’s a totally different thing altogether. The snow itself is pretty to look at but put yourself behind the wheel of a vehicle after it just starts, and you’ll be pulling your hair out by the time you get to your destination. It’s not even the other cars on the road, it’s more maintaining control over the one you’re driving while you’re driving it while watching every other vehicle around you. It’s rather exhausting, really.

So, today (December 15, 2016) I woke up to a great surprise. My new drip tip and 18650’s for my vape came in today. Sad story, the rings on the original drip tip for my SMOK TFV8 weren’t fitting as tight as it was when it was new. And of course, I kept forgetting to replace the rings, and the drip tip fell off in a Meijer parking lot. It was dark, and I looked for about ten minutes, and I didn’t find it. So, I was using the 510 drip tip that came with my TFV4 along with the adapter for the TFV8. I now have another wide bore drip tip. It’s a resin drip tip, so it can’t handle high temperatures, but it works for what I need it for so I’m definitely not complaining. Plus, the design of it is pretty badass. And the batteries, well they are pretty great. They’re rated at 20A whereas my other ones were 10A. They handle higher wattages a lot better. And the coil I’m using can handle up to 260W, my mod can only go to 250, but I never go over 100.

On another note, I’ve been playing my Xbox a lot more now than I did before. Since it snowed, I haven’t wanted to go anywhere, because I hate driving in the snow, and on freezing nights when there’s likely to be ice on the roads. So, I’ve been staying in and playing games. I got Forza Horizon free with Games with Gold, and I’ve been playing it. I also have my 1TB external hard drive connected to my Xbox so I can install more games. Eventually, I plan on getting a 4 or 5TB hard drive for it. The 5TB is $115. Which isn’t a bad price at all. I figured what I’d do is just buy the downloadable games and just install them on my Xbox. That way, I won’t have to deal with physical discs and keeping up with them and making sure they don’t get scratched, etc.

Also, the coolest thing happened. So, I have an AT&T Samsung Galaxy Tab S 10.5 (Model: SM-T807A). To explain the model numbers, each firmware for each model is different. So, each firmware has to match the model number. Such as the Wi-Fi only Galaxy Tab S is model number SM-T800. The T-Mobile version is SM-T807T. And so on and so forth. So, because I have the AT&T one, for some odd reason (probably just because AT&T is very stingy and such and decided not to release the firmware anywhere online accessible by consumers) you cannot find the firmware for model SM-T807A. I contacted AT&T support, and they told me that it was against policy to discuss it. So then I contacted Samsung support who told me to take it to Best Buy and they’d take care of it. And when I did, they told me they couldn’t flash the firmware to the device. So, I decided to be diligent about it and keep looking using different terms, keywords, etc. And FINALLY, after about two weeks of searching, I finally found a source online that had the download to the Lollipop version of the firmware I needed. Which was fine, because I could just upgrade to the Marshmallow version from that OTA, which I did. So, just to let anyone know, if any of my readers have a Samsung Galaxy Tab S 10.5 AT&T LTE model and it somehow gets soft bricked. I have the firmware; It’s tucked away on my hard drive backed up somewhere, at least the Lollipop version. From there, you can easily upgrade the firmware OTA.

Besides all of that, I’ll be writing up my New Years post, as always. I try to do that every year, but sometimes I fail to do so. Here are my New Years plans. Playing Outlast while watching New Years coverage on my tablet. While having snacks and such, can’t forget that shiz. So, a night of Twitch and New Years! Sounds like a definite plan to me. How will you guys celebrate? Will anyone be joining me? You know, if you have nothing to do, I’ll keep you company. Nobody deserves to be alone on New Years. So, come on by my website, guys!


Until next time! See ya!

There’s Nothing Like A Trail Of Blood To Find Your Way Back Home

It took almost a year for everything to hit me. About last year, my suicide attempt. The weirdest thing is, that whole night was the craziest night of my life. I never mentioned any of this before. But, that night was the closest to death I’ve ever been. Closer than anyone I know, aside from one person who was my second father, who was in a coma for three weeks and saw things that I saw. Only thing is, it took me a year to remember it. Since that night, I always likened depression to be kind of like a tunnel, as in the whole light at the end of the tunnel aspect you’ve heard all your life. The light representing freedom. And what’s holding you back is your demons. You have to fight and claw your way to see that light. And tonight, I started remembering things. Like, the tunnel.. and fighting.. and getting to the end.. and seeing the most beautiful thing ever.. it was like a grotto with an amazing waterfall, marble flooring, and every kind of flower you can imagine, the water was crystal clear. I’ve looked for a picture, but nothing I can find is even close to it. Some won’t even believe me, but honestly, I know what I saw. I know what I remember. Not sure why it took so long for me to remember it. I guess, if I had remembered that night, I probably wouldn’t have wanted to come back. There’s a reason I’m here, that I lived. What that reason is, I’m not quite sure. But I’m going to find out. Because this time, I’m not holding back. I think I’m here to prove those motherfuckers who want me dead wrong. Well, I can say they got their wish.. I kind of did die. But, I was brought back. And I know how and why.


Yesterday was a big break through.. I have to say, I’m quite proud of myself. I didn’t let my pride get in my way, and I made amends to someone I was once with, who hurt me. All is well. I’d do the same with the others, but several of them would probably just slap the olive branch out of my hand and step on it.. I guess I’ll have to accept that some people.. just can be hard headed and soulless. It took me dying to realize that life is more beautiful than most people even know. And that hate is just a bad feeling that you can expel. Takes some work, but not an impossible task. Of course, I don’t really hate much. I may dislike, but hate, not so much. I guess you can say I’m learning that some things have to be let go. I want this life to mean something, so in order for that to happen, these steps have to be taken.


And I’m working on writing out my experiences within the past few years that tell how I became who I am today. The steps I took, the edges I went to, and how someone pulled me back from even over the edge. Funny how you get to the edge, and you jump, and you have someone who somehow reaches down and pulls you back up. I’m going to have a time with this one, man. But, don’t expect me to post much of it online. A lot of it will be unreleased, until I get everything just right; after all, I am a perfectionist.


The end justifies the means.

Random Thoughts®

It’s just a little passed five am now, and I’m watching tv on my tablet while typing this. I’m really not paying much attention to what’s on, it’s just mainly for the noise. But then again, my fan makes  ― I believe it’s pink noise. It has a slightly lower tone than white noise. It’s just something that helps me sleep. When I am able to, and tired enough to.


But my thoughts are racing, and this website is my outlet. So, I leave you with some interesting thoughts, crude jokes, and sick humour. And if you don’t like it, you can shove it up your ass. Because I’m not going to conform to someone’s ideal person that I should be.


You know, I can’t help but laugh when people rage at me over an opposed opinion. I posted about CV a while back, and these people started saying all kinds of shit. The smoke coming though my laptop over the hot headed raging was insane. I almost thought my house was on fire. But then I realized it was just some butthurt fucks defending their worthless piece of shit “god” who runs the CV group. Oddly enough, one person agreed with me. Another problem I have with CV is the massive hivemind. One person says you’re wrong, everyone else piles up on top of you to back up whoever said you were wrong. Kind of like a clique of high school bullies. Honestly, I myself wouldn’t want that kind of rep online. Because eventually, that’ll be the downfall. Because eventually people are going to stop joining, and the only ones left will be the admins and the “favorites”. Make a community, make it friendly. If someone didn’t catch something on the “pinned” piece of shit, that doesn’t warrant a full on arsenal attack on the person, which is what happened to me, and a couple of other people I’ve talked to about it. As I said, community is key. CV is more like an empire who tosses people into a volcano because they missed something on the sticky piece of shit on the group page or don’t agree with them, and have an opposing opinion. And I stand by my opinion. And if you want to rage over it, go right ahead. Because the more you rage, the better I feel. And the more the hivemind shows. And I’ll most likely delete the comment without actually reading it. Either way, I wouldn’t want these guys as teachers, because they’d tell you that you’re a massive fucking moron for not knowing what you’re trying to learn in class.


Moving on, I’m headed to Georgia next month, from the 4th to the 11th. One week in my home state. I am definitely going to enjoy it. Not only because it’s where I spent a lot of my life there, but also to get away from here would be great. I could actually relax. I’ll be sleeping on a cot, which really doesn’t bother me. I just hope I have somewhere to put my laptop and tablet. My phone, I’m not worried about, because I can set it down on the floor while it’s charging. But either way, one thing I’ll get to do is GO TO ZAXBY’S! God, I miss that place. One of the reasons I can’t wait to move back down there. And since I’m the one that brought us up here.. I will NEVER move 700 miles for someone. It was the worst decision of my life. But either way, I’m doing a LOT better. No liquor or cigarettes since October of last year. And it’s coming up to the anniversary for it too. I am actually quite proud of the accomplishments over the last year. I’m more active, I eat more healthier, with a cheat here and there. I am not going to eat fast food much anymore, because I already have high blood pressure, and the sodium content in fast food is a recipe for disaster if you’re blood pressure is elevated. Plus, the calories.. my god. I do walk quite a bit now, and I’ve lost like 40 lbs just doing that. And that’s not even using any type of weight loss program. It’s just me being active.


I can’t help but think how I’m going to create the multiple podcasts I want to do. Since Mixlr only allows one podcast per account, and they suggest paying for another one. Which is a very shitty way to do business, if you ask me. But, what do I know? I’ll be looking for alternatives that will allow more than one podcast per account, and still streams live, and has an embedded player.


Also, guys, I’m sorry I haven’t posted much. There’s just been so much going on. As I mentioned earlier, I’m going to Georgia for a week, so I’ve been trying to get things ready. Like my room all straightened up and organized, clothes washed, etc. It’s been pretty hectic. But, I do have an announcement to make. But, you’ll have to wait.. remember patience like the stalker. =)  Either way, it’ll be pretty big. Especially with so many social networks out there for the type of thing I’m planning. I’m waiting around for now, to get things together, and to work with my site some to get posts to display right on pages.


Anywho, I’m about to fall asleep now, so I’m out. I’ll try my best to post more. I definitely will post while I’m in Georgia, and I’ll even take pictures and post them in a gallery on the posts.

The Max Evans Program Patreon

So, guys. It has begun. The beginning of all things to end. The be all-end all. This is my Patreon, where you can support the show. There are currently two rewards set up, but you can pledge any amount you want. The rewards are limited, though. So, if you want to get on that gravy train, act fast! Link to my Patreon is here: http://patreon.com/TheMaxEvansProgram.

Ignorance Is Bliss

I typically try to stray away from these kinds of posts.. but this pissed me off more than most cases, I think because it hits so close to home. Around this area of Michigan, there was a 21 year old who killed himself, and his family is now going around the internet saying they don’t know why he did it. They’re not denying he had bipolar or a past of suicidal ideation, meaning they didn’t do jack shit to help. He apparently bought a handgun several weeks before this happened. And, yet, his family did NOTHING. I just asked my mom what she would do if I went out and got a handgun, and her response was that she’d lock it in her safe. Why? Because she knows I’d probably end up using it if I got low enough. The fact that this poor guy had such a shitty support system weighs heavy on my heart. Only because, as I said, it hits close to home.

I mean, I tried to off myself back in August, if it weren’t for the support of a friend, I wouldn’t be here. Because that friend stayed up with me until I passed out, but not before calling someone about it first. Another thing that pisses me off, and I’ll share the screenshot of what one of his family members said, and this PISSES me off to no end.


Why this pisses me off, is that all of a sudden, HE should have been the one to ask for help. But, the thing is, sometimes people who suffer from suicidal ideation DO ask for help, but in subtle ways. It isn’t HIS fault that his family didn’t catch on. I know, I’ve been through this. I’m doing my best to raise awareness of this kind of thing. Because just paying attention to someone isn’t enough. You need to talk to them, find the source, find the trigger, then do your best to get them away from the trigger.

Letting someone who has a history of suicide buy a handgun.. they pretty much pulled the trigger. They helped him with everything? Yeah, including what happened.

I won’t go on about this, I just want to find a way to organize a way to raise awareness of this. If anyone can help, PLEASE, I implore you to email me. My email address is listed at the top of the website.

Pokemon GO!

Okay, the title kind of sucks.. but I can’t think of anything witty at this point in time. My brain is dead lately, due to not being able to sleep, and even when I do, I don’t rest, I wake up still as exhausted.

But, anyway, I’ve been a Pokemon fan for quite some time. My brother used to have a shit ton of cards when he was younger, and we’d have fun with them way back when. So, naturally, when GO came out, I had to get it. I had been waiting for it for a while, since it had been announced. But, managed to forget about it until just before it was officially released here in the states. My friends in other countries don’t have it yet, officially. So, not many have posted about it. But, I’ve been having quite a bit of fun playing it. In the complex I live at here in Michigan, there’s two Pokestops and a gym. They’re like right at the office building, so I either walk, or drive the car up there.

But, in less than a week, I’ve met more people playing it than I’ve met in a long time. And people make shit comments like “people should have been out socializing before now”.. well, there’s this thing known as anxiety, that has infected quite a few people in the last 20 years. And only those with it understand it. I hate the ignorance of those who don’t even /try/ to understand it. As I’ve said before, the fact that you have a common known interest makes the environment a LOT easier to strike up a conversation when you have anxiety.


That aside, this game has great potential. Being a player of Ingress (Niantic’s other geolocation game), this is bound to be a huge phenomenon (as it already is). The amount of people playing, causing the servers to crash tells you. Apparently, Google’s Niantic Labs wasn’t quite prepared for that. I guess they didn’t realize how many people actually like Pokemon. But the fact that the games didn’t require internet or servers to play means that they couldn’t gauge just how much of a load they’d take.


As an ending I’m just going to say what a friend of mine has said before. Don’t be friends with anyone who is aggressively elitist over their team. Anyone should be able to choose whatever team they want, and not shit talk the other. Joking is okay, however. As I do.


Also, expect an episode of The Max Evans Program about Pokemon GO and the most interesting things about it.. that will be coming in a few days. So, BE PREPARED!!